He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
