After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
