Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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