i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize