You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
