I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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