I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
