On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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