i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
