She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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