I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
