Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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