Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
