Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
