Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
