I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
