i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
