Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
