She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
