so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
