Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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