Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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