the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
