I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
they need to just BURY HIM!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
