Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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