Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize