don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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