I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
