have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
