Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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