So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
