i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
