I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
