Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
