I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
