ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
