He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He did a backflip because drugs
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
