this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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