I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
