I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
