Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
