yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
