So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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