I can text with my tongue
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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