I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you had me at cake vodka
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
