I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
