does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hippo gnu deer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
