You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
