I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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