if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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