So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
