I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just found puke in my bra..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
