so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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