I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
nutella sex= disaster
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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