I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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