I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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