so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
