What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
