Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
