I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
