i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
