Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
