my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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