The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
