I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
