yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
