I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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