Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
