my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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