Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
