yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize