the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
